It Gets Better

The Beach
Originally uploaded by Polish Carpetlayer.

So we left the Hotel in Winnipeg and decided to take a slight detour of about 400 miles north. We read about Prince Albert Provincial Park in our copy of the travel guide Fromers Canada and according to the reviewer this park was the “crown jewel” in the Canadian pantheon of parks. Plus we’d never been that far north in our lives and we thought try to get a glimpse of the wildlife the park offered (moose, bears, elk, etc.). We gassed up the trusty Subaru to the tune of about $48 (yeah, I said $48 dollars and that’s for about 11.5 gallons of petrol. This was a normal occurrence on the trip. If you think $3.15 a gallon is expensive, fill up your vehicle in Canada for a couple weeks and then you’ll start to long for the $3 a gallon) and headed north through the plains of Canada…the flat plains of Canada. This area is where 55% of Canadian grain is grown and it is as flat as the kitchen floor. The beautiful thing about it is the fields are pure yellow, not gold, not the color of wheat, but yellow. Yellow canola flowers fill the horizon for as far as the eye can see and that view doesn’t stop for about 700 miles.

So we fired up the ipod and let the music play. It was a long road trip but finally we began to see trees which meant we were getting close. Soon we pulled up to the park and I opened up the window to pay the entry fee. Immediately I was assaulted by a horde of bugs. Black flies, mosquitoes, and the like swarming my window. This is called foreshadowing. I should have listened.

We got to the campsite, began to set it up, and noticed more mosquitoes than we’ve ever seen in our lives. Hastily we put up our tent and lit some citronella candles. Then we lit some more candles. And then some more. It was late by this time (9:45pm), but the sun doesn’t fully go down until 11pm so we had a bit of sun left. I headed off to the bathroom to take off my contacts while Michelle started to make dinner. In light of the bug problem we opted for the quickness of sandwich preparation of burritos. About ten minutes later I came back from the bathroom to find Michelle throwing all of the food fixings in the tent and emphatically stating that she couldn’t take it anymore. The mosquitoes had driven her out of our campsite, but not without her preparing a couple sandwiches for us. These would be the last meals that we made in our campsite at Prince Albert Provincial Park.

We wolfed down our sandwiches and went for a walk. We found that if we moved (read walked, ran, or drove) that the bugs would leave us alone. We walked into the small town about 2 miles away and back. Then we quickly jumped into our tent and went to sleep at around 12:30am.

The next morning we decided to take a bike ride. The park has a paved road in it that is rarely used by motorist. It’s a perfect place to go for a road bike ride. The road is full of rolling hills and forest on either side. As you follow the road you pass many lakes. Unfortunately for us, as you follow the road a horde of black flies follows you. The fast you go the faster they go. It’s unbelievable, but Michelle and I got it down to a science, if you are riding 17mph or slower, they are going to be on your ass, buzzing around you. But once you hit 18mph and above those bitches can’t keep you. We went as fast as we could on this 30 mile ride and tried to leave the bugs in our wake. It worked sort of. As we road we would periodically get pelted. Hitting a black fly at 25 mph can sting a little. The ride was beautiful, but the bugs were relentless. We finished the ride and headed back to camp to get some food. That didn’t last long.

“Michelle, I can’t eat here. The mosquitoes think that I’m a big piece of corn-on-the-cob.”

“I read that there’s a beautiful place for wildlife viewing about 20 miles to the north. Do you want to make lunch there?”

I had already started the car. And we were off. About 45 minutes later we arrived at the end of a dirt road. We were in the middle of the forest, a grass field sat before us. As soon as we stopped the car we started hearing a little pounding noises. It sounded like it was raining except the sun made us reach for our sun glasses. And then we noticed it. The bugs were hammering themselves into the car. They wanted us…or maybe the car. For a second we considered making lunch there. For a second. I started up the car now completely miserable and we headed back to town.

Michelle could tell that I was really, really not happy. And then she had an amazing idea.

“Let’s go to the beach on the lake in the middle of the village. We should just stop trying to see nature.”

She was right. Fuck nature and fuck this place. If something didn’t change soon I was going to be just the cob, no corn, and I was going to go crazy. These bugs where literally eating me alive. And worse than that, they were ruining my vacation. I wanted to kill them all and then leave.

We headed to the beach and an amazing thing happened when we go there. No bugs. None! Zero!

We stayed there.

We soaked up the sun. Ate dinner at a local restaurant. Drank some beers. Checked our email. Played some games and stayed the hell away from our campsite, nature, any place where those bastards with syringes as mouths were hanging out. It was awesome and we had a great time. We also got everything in our car ready so that when the morning came we get the hell out of there as fast as possible.

That night we rolled into our campsite around midnight, set our alarm for 6 in the morning, and jumped into our tent as quickly as possible. We didn’t want the tent doors open for a second longer. We were the only ones getting into that shelter. The next morning, we got up and left, quickly. Next stop, the Canadian Rocky Mountains.